Midnight Thoughts (first problem)

Hi everyone!

If I may be honest, I’m quite the overachiever. I always want to make things perfect and I want people to like me, even if it takes a part of me. If I don’t get enough on a test, I get pissed at myself. For example, on Monday I got back my English test and my score was okay, but I made some really stupid mistakes, so I had a 12.5/15. I know most people wouldn’t think it’s that bad, but to me it was a big deal and I was just so mad at myself.

On Tuesday, during Dutch, we were sitting in groups to discuss some exercises we had to prepare. Afterwards we had a “test” and we had to correct each other’s. Of course, because I have bad luck 24/7, this guy I don’t like had to correct mine. Since my writing is most of the time unreadable, he thought it would be funny to point that out by saying cruel things about me. On top of that, he marked a lot of answers as wrong and gave me a pretty bad score. And to finish it off, he wrote “Nice try though” at the bottom of the page. I. Wanted. To. Cry. I felt humiliated to say the least. He was just making fun of me and I wanted to call my parents to take me home. I know I sound like a Drama Queen (Deluxe), but it hurt me, because that guy’s always making me feel like I’m stupid and don’t matter.

But to finish my story, I went home and destroyed the stupid piece of paper. While doing that, I realised that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I have my family, friends and even random people who support and help me. And as long as I have those, I have a safety net that will protect me from harm and support me.

So yeah, here’s a short story about this week. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t care about what others say, even if it hurts, because 1. I have people who love me and 2. that guy is just stupid and not worthy of my attention/ time/ thoughts/ anything….

I know I usually don’t write on a series twice in a row, but this was important and I had to get it off my chest.

I’m btw listening to Save Myself by Ed Sheeran. Why is my current song always either fitting to my situation or contradicting it?? Serious life question.

I also read The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. I wanted to write a review about it, but it turned out to be pretty hard. I didn’t really enjoy reading it and I don’t feel like it’s as good as people say it is. In short, I thought Charlie was a miserable person and sometimes he was just awfully stupid and cruel. The ending was okay, but it shocked me and I don’t know what to think of it.

Why am I happy today? This week hasn’t been particularly cheery. My History teacher hates me, I’m sick again after being better (fugg my immune system) and I have exams in two weeks,…. But Math is going well and it’s Interbational Women’s Day…. Argh that doesn’t help.

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